How to Have Children and Keep Your House Clean

I might be the last person you would expect to be giving home management tips.  Believe it or not, I am capable of getting my house to look immaculate.  I've done it a time or two by following the tips that float around the internet.  But I've noticed tidy experts are capable of helping you GET your house clean, not KEEP your house clean.  Here are some things I've found (or dreamed) to make you look like a super-organized, put-together mother:

1) Never, ever, EVER, get a dog. 

2) Act like you have to go to the bathroom.  When your children follow you, lock them in the bathroom while you clean the rest of the house. 

3) Weep uncontrollably to your husband until he feels so sorry for you and asks “what can I do to help?”  Have the list ready to hand him.

4) Require your body to have 4 hours of sleep.  It doesn’t matter if you need 8.  Making yourself only get four hours of sleep will decrease your life span, de-stress your life, and allow you to meet Jesus earlier.

5) Throw every toy away.

6) Don’t tithe your money to the church.  10% of your income could be used to hire a maid service and chef--therefore boosting the economy.  We all know that the economy is the most important thing in our country.

7) Sleep naked.  Less laundry.  Maybe there will be a fire in the middle of the night and your neighbors will call you in for indecent exposure. As a prison inmate, you’ll have all the time in the world to keep your cell clean.

8) Better yet, set your house on fire yourself.  Then you will have nothing to keep in order.

9) Only wear bikinis during the day.  Modest women have bigger loads of laundry.

If your wardrobe only consists of bikinis, your children will be embarrassed by you and never invite their friends over.  Your own children will leave your house –their friends and them can make dirty foot prints at others’ houses and eat all of their food.

10) Get off the computer, iPhone, and all other devices that connect you to the outside world. 

11) Why are you still at your computer?

12) Eat out for every meal.  Don’t you know that cooking healthy meals for your family only creates further mess?

13) When your children pick up something that was once in its place, scream at the top of your lungs.  Yell something like, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING???  STOP MAKING MESSES!!  STOP BEING SO CURIOUS!”  Eventually, the children can be trained like mice and will stop making messes because they fear their mothers.

I am  not trying to diminish the art of home management.  It's highly important.  I know the women that are kind, calm, AND organized with their homes.  They are few and far between, but I have been in their houses.  I have stayed the night with them.  They usually ask me stuff like, "what do you think about predestination and free choice?"  I usually ask them stuff like: "OH MY GOODNESS!!  How do you keep your paper clips and scissors in these handy compartments without yelling at anyone?"

While there are some people who choose to be lazy and let everything go, I think many women put too much pressure on themselves to get things looking good.  It's important, but it's not the MOST important.

Well, I'm out of here.  The children and I have more messes to make.

Houses and Spouses: God's Will in Decision-Making

I have a perpetual headache.  That tends to happen to me when making decisions.  My husband and I are looking for a house to buy, and it is taking a ridiculous amount of my mental and emotional energy. The thoughtful consideration is worth it, because the only other decision in life that is more important than choosing a house is choosing a spouse.  I seem to have much experience in both categories so I thought I would share my decision-making wisdom with you.  [For the record, I've had one spouse/multiple houses.] Whether finding a cottage, or starting a courtship, here are some crucial things to consider:


* Look at a variety of options. There are some things that take priority, and you have to know what you are willing to live without.

* Foundation is key: cosmetics can be changed.

* No amount of character can overlook some kinds of ugly.  The ugliness doesn't change the value; it's just a job for someone else.

* Get your financial house in order before you drag others into your business.

* Some qualities are out of your price range. Get what you can afford.

* Meet in person before you get too attached.  The on-line resume can be deceiving.

* Don't look for the perfect one.  Look for the perfect one for you.

* Ask the neighbors questions. They know information that the home-owner (or potential spouse) may not tell you.

* Check the history.  Remember what "was" is not as important as what "is", but provides important pieces to solve the mysteries that will come later.

* Gather your facts: all square feet are not created equal.

* Don't get intimate with your investment until there are legal signatures involved.

* Live together after you are committed, not before. That's the way it ought to work.  In living together, you discover the quirks, learn the things that are in the wrong place, and remind yourself  "for better, for worse."


Unlike houses, you don't cash spouses in when the walls come crashing in.  I have found that if you experience multiple headaches before the decision, you experience multiple joys afterwards.  The renovating and remodeling are the fun processes that come with commitment.

The Forgetful Fool

Every parent has heard the dreaded words: "I forgot".

"Haven't I told you many times that you never hurt or hit your sister?"
"I forgot."
"The spanking spoon and I are here to help you remember."
My son is now 7 and doesn't forget nearly as often.

Forgetting is a sin that is rarely called a sin, and it is highly dangerous.  A child can be told not to run into the street, but it only takes one forgetful moment for tragedy to happen. That is why the Proverbs remind children over and over to remember the words of wisdom they are given, by both their parents and the Word of God.

"Get wisdom; get insight; do not forget, and do not turn away from the words of my mouth." Prov 4:5

Today is April Fool's Day.  There is only one way to not be fooled on this holiday: remember what day it is.  If you are always aware that it is April 1st, then you are skeptical of everything you hear and every status you read.  But if you forget what day it is, then you'll believe anything and be made the fool.

Life is fun when it's pranks and jokes for one day.  But as an adult, it is far more dangerous to forget the works of God throughout history and throughout one's life.  God is always challenging us to remember.  He told the Isrealites in Deuteronomy to watch themselves diligently, and not forget how God brought them out of slavery.  When they entered the Promised Land, God knew that they would be tempted to become self-sufficient in all of their prosperity, and forget Who brought them into freedom by no works of their own.

Even though believers today have the Word of God at their disposal, to remind them of all that God has done, we forget.  We doubt that He is really good.  We doubt that He could love us despite our sin.  We forget our freedom and enslave ourselves to all kinds of addictions.  We forget how patient He is with us, and lash out at others.  We forget His faithfulness and become afraid.  We take our eyes off the cross and onto our performance, which in turn leads to pride or insecurity. 

But God gives us reminders.  He gives us the Holy Spirit to recall His Word to mind.  He instituted the Lord's Supper to remind us of the Body that He crucified on our behalf.  And we have an orderly calendar system to remember certain days of the year.

Today's a big day for me.  10 years ago today, my husband awoke to me crying in the bathroom.  I was pregnant and not happy about it.  He knew I wasn't playing an April Fool's joke, because I'm not that good of an actress to play the part of a woman in despair.  It seems silly now, but at the time I thought having a baby was a bad thing for me--I was scared to death to be a mom and felt that life was completely out of my control!!! 

Remembering my fear and how faithful God has been through these 10 years is good for me. I am currently facing other fears and other decisions that will affect much of the future.  Life feels so out of control, in complete limbo.  But life never was MINE to control in the first-place.  And so I remember, this day, how silly I was years ago, and how I can see so much clearer 10 years later.  That gives me perspective because the things I'm fearing today will seem silly 10 years from now.

When I remember who God is, I am skeptical of emotions that want to believe otherwise.  When I remember the things God has done in my life, my fears are replaced with peace, even when the logical information isn't adding up.  My prayer today is that the Lord will help my mind and emotions not make a fool of me, so I can press forward in faith.

Why Does the Bible Talk About Circumcision?

A few days ago, I was teaching through Colossians 2 which includes Paul’s last recorded dialogue about circumcision. I realized just how strange the topic seems and started more study on the issue. In keeping with good Bible interpretation I’ve had to examine context, dig around the Scriptures, use quality resources, and think.  The topic has made for some very interesting conversations between my husband and me over the last few nights!  Here is my attempt to shed light on a subject that is often talked about in Scripture, but rarely talked about in Christian circles.  Since this blog is from my imperfect perspective, I’m sure it contains error: please read Genesis 15-17, Deut 10, Romans 2-5, Col 2 if you’d like to study more.

WHAT IS CIRCUMCISION?
It is the surgical removal of the foreskin of the male reproductive organ.

WHERE IS CIRCUMCISION FIRST RECORDED IN THE BIBLE?

In Genesis 15, God makes a covenant with Abram.  God says that the aging Abram will one day have a son and will be given many offspring.  God also promises a land that Abram’s descendants will inhabit.  Abram believed God, but in Genesis 16, Abram listened to his wife, Sarai, and slept with her servant in hopes of having a son through Hagar. In chapter 17, God reminds Abram that His covenant remains and that the Lord Himself will multiply Abram’s descendants.  God changes his name to Abraham, and tells him to circumcise all the males of his household.  The circumcision is a sign of God’s promise and covenant (Abraham’s family would become the Jewish nation, inhabit the land that God gave them,  kings would come from the line of Abraham, and ultimately, Jesus the promised Messiah). 

WHAT IS THE VALUE OF CIRCUMCISION? 

Permanence

Abraham had failed.  He did not wait for God to make good on His promise, and had sex with a woman who was not his wife (Gen 16).  God placed a permanent bodily sign on Abraham, on the very organ that was used to carry out the sinful act.  The circumcision, which can never be reversed, shows that God’s promises will never fail, and are not contingent on man’s credibility. God will always be faithful when people are not. 

God takes sin seriously. Abraham was 99 years old when he underwent the surgical procedure. “Ouch” is an understatement.  God is not condemning Abraham, but is giving him a consequence--not as punishment, but as a measure of grace that would lead him to a more intimate relationship with God Himself.

Patriarchal

God starts with the men and expects them to lead.  Fathers are charged with the responsibility to circumcise their own sons on the 8^th day of their birth and then give them their names.  Men are also spiritually responsible for their families. As in the case of Adam, Abraham, and others recorded in Scripture, God calls forth the man first in terms of accountability, even though women are responsible for their own actions.  

Pro-creation
Since circumcision was applied to the reproductive organ of the body, the sign of the covenant involved the reproduction of the race.  God’s faithfulness would continue for generations.

Practical 

An uncircumcised male had to continually clean the foreskin of his penis so that infection would not set in.  Circumcision was an external symbol of and inward reality (the need to be spiritually pure and clean in the sight of God).

For boys, medical research has confirmed that prothrombin (the substance that aids in clotting) is present in the blood with greater quantity on the eighth day than any other time of life.  This is further evidence that God is not random, and has purposes for the commands that He gives, even if He doesn’t tell why at the time. For the sake of clarity, it could be argued that circumcision carries no negative, long term impact on the male, while female circumcision is a cruel, direct removal of a source of pleasure.

Purity
The Jews were entrusted with the spoken words of God.  They were a people set apart for Him, but due to their sin they were not holy.  When Abraham’s descendants exited 400 years of slavery, God established a written law.  Before the Isrealites could enter into the promised land (God’s holy possession), they needed to be clean. Circumcision was performed as an act of faith, putting no confidence in the flesh, but in the cleansing work of God.

Everything Private is Public before the Lord
What is private to man is seen by God.  God is not ashamed by what He made, and expects us to be vulnerable and open with Him.  God is involved with the intimate details of our lives.


Participation in the Promise regardless of Profession
Circumcision was performed on the male children when they were eight days old, before they had the chance to make their own profession of faith.  This didn’t automatically mean the child would follow the Lord, but that they would be participants in fulfilling God’s promise to bring a Savior to the world and God’s commands to the world.  No wicked heart or disobedience on man’s part would thwart God’s ultimate fulfillment of His covenant.

Pleasure
God wants intimacy.  Sin comes between man and God.  Only when His people die to self can they enjoy the fullest pleasure that God gives—the joy of knowing Him.

This is debatable and I can’t prove it, but I find the theory fascinating.  When the foreskin is cut off of the man, the most sensitive part of him is exposed.  No longer does he have an annoying barrier between him and his wife during intercourse.  Being circumcised makes it possible that a fuller amount of pleasure can be accomplished more easily.

If you’re married, you’re welcome.  If you’re single, I’m sorry and hope you find a spouse soon.

Practice
The circumcision did not make anyone righteous.  It was the outward symbol of an inward faith, first given to Abraham as a realization of God’s future promises.  The fleshly symbol was the way his descendants could understand their need for a circumcision of the heart after they were given the law by Moses. “And now, Israel, what does the Lord require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul…Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no longer stubborn.” (Deut 10:12,16) 

If there is one thing the Israelites proved, it was that they could not keep God’s law, no matter how well it was explained to them.  The entire Old Testament recounts consistently that man was not faithful to God’s commands, but that God was always faithful to His people and His promises.  Matthew 1 recounts 42 generations between Abraham and Jesus Christ.   Included in that list are sexual sinners, liars, deceivers, evil kings, and murderers.  Time and time again, hope seemed bleak.  But then He came—the One who could permanently defeat sin and death.  While it is man’s responsibility to obey God’s commands, God takes responsibility for what people cannot do. 

God made the world and the body and declared it good.  Sin corrupted our bodies and our hearts.  Those who accept God by faith have the promise of Heaven with a holy God.  Just as the Israelites could not enter the promised land, you and I cannot enter Heaven by ourselves.  We cannot stand before a Holy God and have a relationship with Him because we are unclean.  We need a cleansing of a different sort as described in Colossians 2:11-14 “In [Jesus] also you were circumcised with a circumcision made without hands, by putting off the body of the flesh, by the circumcision of Christ, having been buried with Him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through faith in the powerful working of God, who raised him from the dead.  And you who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by cancelling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands.  This He set aside, nailing it to the cross.”

Perspective
So, what are some other practical implications of all of this for you?  Circumcision of the flesh is no longer a commandment or necessity, because Jesus has done the work.  But since most American men are circumcised due to hygienic reasons, I think the symbol is still relevant and powerful in today’s culture prevalent with porn and sexual immorality.  The circumcision of the penis is a change in perspective.  If a woman could view a naked man and be reminded of God’s promise, she might change who she promises herself to.

It is my hope that this explanation of the Old Testament alteration of the male sex organ might prevent masturbation and sex with anyone other than one’s spouse.  There is a clear-cut reminder every time a man pulls down his pants: “God is faithful; therefore I should be.”  It’s healthy for every man to have a little fear of God before his eyes. I’d love to know that pastors are teaching their congregations and fathers are giving their sons visual images that none can forget: “You belong to the Lord!  God cut off the barrier between you and Him, so that you can know Him.  Use your body the way God intended. Trust in God’s faithfulness to provide for your needs in His perfect timing, and DON’T TAKE MATTERS INTO YOUR OWN HANDS.”

CONCLUSION:
Look to the cross as your new symbol of circumcision.  If you have faith in Jesus’ work on the cross, then He has already cleaned you.  There is a permanent seal and a promise waiting.  Practice your purity and honor Him with your head, heart, hands, and hidden parts.

How to Get Any Jesus-loving Woman to Fall Madly in Love with You (maybe even your wife)

Maybe I stretched the truth a little in the title.  I have no guarantees in life except Jesus.  I  put all of my eggs in His basket, and everything else is in the “generally-true” category.  But I think there really is a “secret” in earning the admiration of a lady that every single guy needs to know and every married man needs to remember.  Most men can catch a woman way out of their league if they would learn this trait:

Lead well. 

What does it mean to be a good leader?  My favorite image from Scripture is the role of a shepherd.  A shepherd takes care of business and is a hard worker. He is tender with his sheep.  He looks after those he is responsible for.  He not only manages well, he looks to the future so his flock doesn’t die out.  He sets boundaries for the sheep, moves them to green pastures, teaches them how to stay together, grooms them, feeds them, and runs after lost ones.  When he brings in his fold at night, he lays down at the gate to keep wolves from getting in. He literally lays his life down to protect his sheep.  And most importantly, he knows what to do with the wolves if they ever find their way to his sheep.  He doesn’t pet the wolf or try to make it his friend: the good shepherd knows how and when to fight.

How have we reduced Christianity to a “be nice” religion? Allow me to rant for a little bit.  I love it that my husband is kind and nice and knows how to control his temper because I really don’t want holes knocked in my wall.  But I am proud of the fact that I have a man who gets angry about the things God is angry about.  I want a man who knows how to put a dent in the world’s injustice.  Nothing makes me more sick that a passive man who is content to pass his time away with vain pleasures.  And I am not alone.  I have watched one young woman after another become wildly infatuated with men who lead.  Men who:

n      make decisions

n      don’t let their quiet personalities keep them from being firm on issues of right and wrong

n      clean up the messes of weaker men

n      realize that as intelligent as their smart phone is, it doesn’t pay its own bill

n      can handle conflict better than their remote

n      are willing to hurt someone’s feelings in the short-run, so that they can be healed in the long-run

n      will do the right thing when no one is looking

n      take initiative

n      can correct others without condemning them 

n      don’t stop engaging their women at the moment the engagement ring fit her finger

n      treat others with respect, regardless of age

n      don’t let their women run over or manipulate them

n      will offend the “one” in the crowd to protect the hundreds

n      admit when they haven’t led well and make corrections

Ultimately, we women don’t expect our men to be perfect, but to be pictures of the Good Shepherd.  Ladies, please give examples of the things you like.  Let the secret out.  Let’s challenge and compliment our men when they don’t follow the pattern of the world.

The Boogery Woman: Boys, Porn, and Pretty Girls

It scares me to raise a boy.  I am well aware of sexual perversion and the prevalence of pornography.  A young man doesn’t have to work for his porn anymore; it’s readily available by the technological device he holds in his hand.  The quick access and numerous public moral fallouts are enough to make Christian women feel as if there is no hope for our children living pure lives.

I sometimes ask men who have admitted their struggle with pornography or sexual addictions how they would advise mothers and fathers to help their children.  Almost always, they will talk about limiting the time spent on the computer and internet.  But that kind of filter alone is not satisfactory to me.  Men were finding ways to look at naked women long before modern technology made it an easy task. 

Filtering the Internet is a practical step all parents should take while their kids are under their roofs.  But this will not solve the problem for a boy’s lifetime.  One day, my son will find a computer without a filter.  He may find himself at a friend’s house equipped with every cable channel.  He will most definitely walk around town in the midst of women dressed to draw attention.  So my son will have to learn to guard his heart first, and his iPhone second.  How can he fight such temptation? 

Psalm 119:9 “How can a young man keep his way pure?  By keeping it according to Your word.”

While I am happy to have a husband who does and will regularly talk to his children about relational things, I have made a conscious decision as a mother to turn my reasonable paranoia into productive pro-action.  I can not prevent 100% of the images my son will see, but I can plant biblical images in my young son’s mind.  Today’s humorous image came directly from Proverbs 11:22: “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.”

I asked the kids if a gold ring is pretty, valueable, and desirable.  They said yes.  Then I asked them what they would think about the ring if it was in a pig snout.  My son wrinkled his nose and exclaimed, “Who would want a ring that was up a pig’s nose?  It’d have snot and boogers all over it!”   (The fact that Jesus would want her, and could clean her up is another discussion for another day.)  Here is what he drew as a way to visualize the meaning of the verse:

The circle in the middle is a close-up view of the pig’s nose.  You can hardly see the pretty woman in the nostril because she has boogers on her legs and arms, snot for a dress, and she’s covered in mud. 

I was a proud mom when my son told me, “When I see a woman not dressed appropriately…. if she doesn’t love Jesus…even if she’s beautiful, I’m gonna say ‘You’re covered in boogers and snot and mud!’”

I’m okay with that.  He’s seven now.  When he becomes a man and catches a glimpse of the senseless pretty woman, I will stand beside my teen and remind him:  “Boogers, son, boogers.  Wait for the gold ring covered by the blood of Christ.”

The Day I Hit My Kids

I hit my kids today.

Before you judge me, you need to know how bad my circumstances were.  I was up all night.  Sleep deprivation is never really good for me.  I couldn’t get going.   With the kids being sick, the house got messy really quickly.  Laundry is behind, dishes weren’t getting done.  Nothing was going right.

I know how a good day ought to go.  There are days where I am in the zone.  But today, I couldn’t get my will up to speed, and then I felt guilty for being such a bad mother.

One of my kids came to me in tears.  There has been a lack of joy in her for months now.  She recalled some instances where she lied a couple of times (um, like three years ago.) We’ve talked about it, and she has asked forgiveness and sought restitution where she needed too.  But the fact that she could do such a terrible thing keeps nagging her.  She won’t stop thinking about it.

Is this the time when a parent should yell at her kid?  Does a parent tell the kids how awful they are for sinning when they feel bad for sinning?  No…I knew what was going on.  It was the same problem I was having for the day.

So I gathered some stuffed animals and threw them at all the kids.  I tried to find the most evil-looking ones I could.  There were a few flying rabbits that the kids were able to dodge, but I managed to find their weak spots and hit them from behind when they weren’t looking.  Then I took my son’s Hulk Hogan punching glove, and pinned the sad little girl down, punching and coaching her until she finally figured out what to do.

“What do you do kids, when Satan throws accusations and insults at you?  Are you going to stand there and let him condemn you?”

1 Peter 5:7 “Cast your burdens on Jesus, for He cares for you.”  We didn’t stop the “game” until the kids threw the weapons back and I showed them how Jesus nailed their sins on the cross to stay.

So parents, if you feel like you are going to beat your children, take your best shots with a Gospel-driven soft and squishy toy that does no harm.  Now that our household remembers “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” and we have gotten plenty of physical exercise, we can resume our day with happiness and productivity.